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Is it me --or do Buffalo wings taste like chicken?

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I planted some bird seed. A bird came up.  Now I don't know what to feed it.

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I had amnesia once---or twice.

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I went to San Francisco. I found someone's heart. Now what?

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Protons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic.

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All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.

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What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free?

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They told me I was gullible and I believed them.

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Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home and, when he grows up, he'll never be able to merge his car onto the freeway.

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Experience is the thing you have left when everything else is gone.

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One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.

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My weight is perfect for my height--which varies.

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I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.

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How can there be self-help "groups"?

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If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?

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Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground, and I'll show you a man who can't get his pants off.

********************

 Is it me --or do buffalo wings taste like chicken?

********************

I planted some bird seed. A bird came up.  Now I don't know what to feed it.

********************

I had amnesia once---or twice.

********************

I went to San Francisco. I found someone's heart. Now what?

********************

Protons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic.

********************

All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.

********************

What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free?

********************

They told me I was gullible and I believed them.

********************

Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home and, when he

grows up, he'll never be able to merge his car onto the freeway.

********************

Experience is the thing you have left when everything else is gone.

********************

One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.

********************

My weight is perfect for my height--which varies.

********************

I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.

********************

How can there be self-help "groups"?

*******************

If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?

********************

Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground, and I'll show you a man who can't get his pants off.

********************

 Is it me --or do buffalo wings taste like chicken?

********************

I planted some bird seed. A bird came up.  Now I don't know what to feed it.

********************

I had amnesia once---or twice.

********************

I went to San Francisco. I found someone's heart. Now what?

********************

Protons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic.

********************

All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.

********************

What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free?

********************

They told me I was gullible and I believed them.

********************

Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home and, when he

grows up, he'll never be able to merge his car onto the freeway.

********************

Experience is the thing you have left when everything else is gone.

********************

One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.

********************

My weight is perfect for my height--which varies.

********************

I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.

********************

How can there be self-help "groups"?

*******************

If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?

********************

Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground, and I'll show you a man who can't get his pants off.

********************

 Is it me --or do buffalo wings taste like chicken?

********************

I planted some bird seed. A bird came up.  Now I don't know what to feed it.

********************

I had amnesia once---or twice.

********************

I went to San Francisco. I found someone's heart. Now what?

********************

Protons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic.

********************

All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.

********************

What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free?

********************

They told me I was gullible and I believed them.

********************

Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home and, when he

grows up, he'll never be able to merge his car onto the freeway.

********************

Experience is the thing you have left when everything else is gone.

********************

One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.

********************

My weight is perfect for my height--which varies.

********************

I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.

********************

How can there be self-help "groups"?

*******************

If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?

********************

Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground, and I'll show you a man who can't get his pants off.

********************

 Is it me --or do buffalo wings taste like chicken?

********************

I planted some bird seed. A bird came up.  Now I don't know what to feed it.

********************

I had amnesia once---or twice.

********************

I went to San Francisco. I found someone's heart. Now what?

********************

Protons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic.

********************

All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.

********************

What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free?

********************

They told me I was gullible and I believed them.

********************

Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home and, when he

grows up, he'll never be able to merge his car onto the freeway.

********************

Experience is the thing you have left when everything else is gone.

********************

One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.

********************

My weight is perfect for my height--which varies.

********************

I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.

********************

How can there be self-help "groups"?

*******************

If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?

********************

Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground, and I'll show you a man who can't get his pants off.

********************

Remember!

It's easy to write a "Remember" poem. Just start out with the word "remember" and write what you think your readers should remember. Check out Steve Goodier's remember list or poem, depending on your view. Steve is a minister, author, and columnist.

REMEMBER

Remember that your presence is a present to the world.

Remember that you are a unique and unrepeatable creation.
Remember that your life can be what you want it to be.

Remember to count your blessings, not your troubles.

Remember that you'll make it through whatever comes along.
Remember that most of the answers you need are within you.
Remember those dreams waiting to be realized.
Remember that decisions are too important to leave to chance.
Remember to always reach for the best that is within you.
Remember that nothing wastes more energy than worry.
Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.
Remember that the longer you carry a grudge, the heavier it gets.
Remember not to take things too seriously.
Remember to laugh.
Remember that a little love goes a long way.
Remember that a lot goes forever.
Remember that happiness is more often found in giving than getting.
Remember that life's treasures are people, not things.
Remember that miracles still happen.

Written by Steve Goodier

Poets Love Puns

Both of my daughters, pictured above, enjoy my crazy sense of humor, including puns. I have discovered through the years that many writers, especially poets, relish puns, and it makes perfect sense--since poets love playing with words:

1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.  2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'llserve you, but don't start anything." 3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.  4. A dyslexic man walked into a bra. 5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm, and says: "A beer please, and one for the road." 6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?" 7. "Doc, I can't stop singing The Green, Green Grass of Home." "That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome." "Is it common?" "Well, It's Not Unusual." 8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," says Dolly. "It's true; no bull!" exclaims Daisy. 9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either. 10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before. 11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I couldn't find any. 12. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!"The doctor replied, "I know, I amputated your arms!" 13. I went to a seafood disco last week, and pulled a mussel. 14. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh. 15. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says, "Dam!" 16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Not surprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too. 17. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel, and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office, and asked them to disperse.  "But why," they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said. "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."  18. A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt, and is named 'Ahmal.' Theother goes to a family in Spain; they name him 'Juan.' Years later…Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal.       Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal." : 19. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with hisodd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him a super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis. 20. A dwarf, who was a mystic, escaped from jail. The call went out that there was a small medium at large. 21. And finally, there was the person who sent twenty different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least ten of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

BEING THANKFUL FOR RICHARD

On this Thanksgiving Day, I am thankful for my brother Richard. He died earlier this month. He loved his wife Val, his daughter Emily, and his birth family. He also loved acting, cooking, and laughing. Rich is the one in blue. His obituary follows. It does a good job of speaking about his life. Rich will be missed by many.

Richard John Sottile 

SOTTILE - Richard John, Thespian, 58, died Thursday at Waterview Nursing Center after a beautiful life & long struggle with Lewy Body Dementia. Dick was born in Jamaica NY & grew up in Lindenhurst in the house his father built. His interest in theater was piqued at Lindenhurst High & cultivated at the American Academy of Dramatic Arts. His adventures included: experimental theater; cross country travel & fatherhood. He laughed easily; loved acting & reading; was a skilled baker & could cook up a mean pot of chili. Rich was devoted to his parents Molly & Tony. He leaves behind: devoted daughter, Emily Valentine; beloved twin sister, care taker & life-long companion, Margie; brothers Tony, Joe & Bob; dear friends, cousins & in-laws; as well as his best friend (& former wife) Valerie Gene. Services will be held at Lindenhurst Funeral Home 424 S. Wellwood Ave. Lindenhurst, NY Saturday 11/12/11 2–6pm. In lieu of flowers please make donations to LewyBody Dementia Association, 912 Killian Hill Rd. SW Lilburn, GA 30047 www.lbda.org or the SAGE Project www.sagesf.org 

  

HOW TO HELP YOUR CHILD WRITE POETRY

During my 33-year career as an elementary school teacher in Gates, NY, I also became a poet. I became a poet partly because I loved the poetry of Shel Silverstein, especially Where the Sidewalk Ends, and also I wanted to share my ideas and sense of humor with my own students. So I started writing poems for them and my two daughters. Writing lots of poems not only made me a better writer and a better poet, but it also inspired my students and my own children to express themselves through writing poetry.

Learning to write poetry--that is, carefully selecting a few words to express an idea--not only helps a child express what is in his soul, but it also helps him learn to think precisely. So I encourage all parents to help their kids write poetry.

One way you can help your child write poetry is to encourage them to write poems by using a "recipe" for the poem, or simply by completing sentences in an organized manner.

Each month on my web site, www.joe-sottile.com, I host a poetry contest for kids. I usually post a new recipe poem and samples to encourage kids to write poetry. These poems don't have to be great to win. They have to be interesting. Here are the instructions for entering my monthly contest.

Poetry Exercises for Parents to Use With Kids

What follows are three partial poems from Picture Poetry on Parade. You have my permission to use these with your kids or students. I got the idea for using the "IF I WERE IN CHARGE OF THE SCHOOL POEM," when I visited a fourth grade class. The teacher who loved poetry gave the class the choice of asking me a question about writing or reading me their version of the school poem. Most chose to read to me. They were delighted by what they had created and a chance to share. I thought that some of their lines were better than mine!

So parents, please give the following a try. Writing poetry isn't difficult if the writer has a "recipe." That's what the next three poems are all about. After writing the poems, your child will enjoy sharing them with others. I hope he or she does that. Write on!

Exercise 1: Fill in the blank!

IF I WERE IN CHARGE OF THE SCHOOL
(As the student sees it...)

By __________________________

Everyone would be transported to school by________________

Every desk would have a built-in_________________________

Every wing of the building would have its own______________

Every side of the building would have a jumbo______________

IF I WERE IN CHARGE OF THE SCHOOL

The lunchroom would be ___________________________________

Tests would be ___________________________________________

The school week would be__________________________________

Each week there would be___________________________________

IF I WERE IN CHARGE OF THE SCHOOL

The Gum Chewing Policy would be_______________________________

The Homework Policy would be__________________________________

The Dress Code Policy would be_________________________________

The Promotion Policy would be__________________________________

Based on the original poem in Picture Poetry on Parade by Joe Sottile

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 More Ideas for Interesting Poems!

In Picture Poetry on Parade, on page 28 there is the poem "CAN'T WRITE TODAY." Well, we all get writer's block at times. Here are the first four lines of my poem. You can make yours as long as you like, just be sure the last line is "Can't write today!" That line is a good ending that brings the reader back to the end of the beginning of the poem. Writers like to do that.

CAN'T WRITE TODAY
By __________________________

I can't write today because my paper is wrinkled.

I can't write today because I didn't eat my breakfast.

I can't write today because my dog barfed on the kitchen floor.

I can't write today because I left my homework at home.

I can't write today because____________________________________________

I can't write today because____________________________________________

I can't write today because____________________________________________

I can't write today because____________________________________________

I can't write today because____________________________________________

I can't write today because____________________________________________

I can't write today because____________________________________________

I can't write today because____________________________________________

I can't write today because____________________________________________

I can't write today because____________________________________________

I can't write today because____________________________________________

I can't write today because____________________________________________

I can't write today because____________________________________________

I can't write today because____________________________________________

I can't write today because____________________________________________

I can't write today!

As you can see, I like repetition. It's one of my favorite poetic tools. When I visit schools and libraries, kids love chanting the repetitious parts back. It makes the visit interactive and extra fun. On page 4 in Picture Poetry on Parade is the poem "ON THE FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL." In the school where I taught for twenty years, many of the teachers read this poem to their classes on the first day of school. The first five lines of the poem follows. You can create your own ending too.

ON THE FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL
By ____________________________

I was worried that Mom would forget to kiss me good-bye.

I was worried the school bus would pass my stop.

I was worried I'd get into a fight at the bus stop.

I was worried that I had toothpaste on my cheek.

I was worried that I would never find my classroom.

I was worried_______________________________

I was worried_______________________________

I was worried_______________________________

I was worried_______________________________

I was worried_______________________________

I was worried_______________________________

These poetry recipes will bring out the best in young poets. Why not give them a try? And please encourage your child to enter Silly Sottile’s Monthly Poetry Contest.

---

© 2011, Joe Sottile

During my 33-year career as an elementary school teacher in Gates, NY, I also became a poet. I became a poet partly because I loved the poetry of Shel Silverstein, especially Where the Sidewalk Ends, and also I wanted to share my ideas and sense of humor with my own students. So I started writing poems for them and my two daughters. Writing lots of poems not only made me a better writer and a better poet, but it also inspired my students and my own children to express themselves through writing poetry.

Learning to write poetry--that is, carefully selecting a few words to express an idea--not only helps a child express what is in his soul, but it also helps him learn to think precisely. So I encourage all parents to help their kids write poetry.

One way you can help your child write poetry is to encourage them to write poems by using a "recipe" for the poem, or simply by completing sentences in an organized manner.

Each month on my web site, www.joe-sottile.com, I host a poetry contest for kids. I usually post a new recipe poem and samples to encourage kids to write poetry. These poems don't have to be great to win. They have to be interesting. Here are the instructions for entering my monthly contest.

Poetry Exercises for Parents to Use With Kids

What follows are three partial poems from Picture Poetry on Parade. You have my permission to use these with your kids or students. I got the idea for using the "IF I WERE IN CHARGE OF THE SCHOOL POEM," when I visited a fourth grade class. The teacher who loved poetry gave the class the choice of asking me a question about writing or reading me their version of the school poem. Most chose to read to me. They were delighted by what they had created and a chance to share. I thought that some of their lines were better than mine!

So parents, please give the following a try. Writing poetry isn't difficult if the writer has a "recipe." That's what the next three poems are all about. After writing the poems, your child will enjoy sharing them with others. I hope he or she does that. Write on!

Exercise 1: Fill in the blank!

IF I WERE IN CHARGE OF THE SCHOOL
(As the student sees it...)

By __________________________

Everyone would be transported to school by________________

Every desk would have a built-in_________________________

Every wing of the building would have its own______________

Every side of the building would have a jumbo______________

IF I WERE IN CHARGE OF THE SCHOOL

The lunchroom would be ___________________________________

Tests would be ___________________________________________

The school week would be__________________________________

Each week there would be___________________________________

IF I WERE IN CHARGE OF THE SCHOOL

The Gum Chewing Policy would be_______________________________

The Homework Policy would be__________________________________

The Dress Code Policy would be_________________________________

The Promotion Policy would be__________________________________

Based on the original poem in Picture Poetry on Parade by Joe Sottile

---

 More Ideas for Interesting Poems!

In Picture Poetry on Parade, on page 28 there is the poem "CAN'T WRITE TODAY." Well, we all get writer's block at times. Here are the first four lines of my poem. You can make yours as long as you like, just be sure the last line is "Can't write today!" That line is a good ending that brings the reader back to the end of the beginning of the poem. Writers like to do that.

CAN'T WRITE TODAY
By __________________________

I can't write today because my paper is wrinkled.

I can't write today because I didn't eat my breakfast.

I can't write today because my dog barfed on the kitchen floor.

I can't write today because I left my homework at home.

I can't write today because____________________________________________

I can't write today because____________________________________________

I can't write today because____________________________________________

I can't write today because____________________________________________

I can't write today because____________________________________________

I can't write today because____________________________________________

I can't write today because____________________________________________

I can't write today because____________________________________________

I can't write today because____________________________________________

I can't write today because____________________________________________

I can't write today because____________________________________________

I can't write today because____________________________________________

I can't write today because____________________________________________

I can't write today because____________________________________________

I can't write today because____________________________________________

I can't write today!

As you can see, I like repetition. It's one of my favorite poetic tools. When I visit schools and libraries, kids love chanting the repetitious parts back. It makes the visit interactive and extra fun. On page 4 in Picture Poetry on Parade is the poem "ON THE FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL." In the school where I taught for twenty years, many of the teachers read this poem to their classes on the first day of school. The first five lines of the poem follows. You can create your own ending too.

ON THE FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL
By ____________________________

I was worried that Mom would forget to kiss me good-bye.

I was worried the school bus would pass my stop.

I was worried I'd get into a fight at the bus stop.

I was worried that I had toothpaste on my cheek.

I was worried that I would never find my classroom.

I was worried_______________________________

I was worried_______________________________

I was worried_______________________________

I was worried_______________________________

I was worried_______________________________

I was worried_______________________________

These poetry recipes will bring out the best in young poets. Why not give them a try? And please encourage your child to enter Silly Sottile’s Monthly Poetry Contest.

---

© 2011, Joe Sottile