Both of my daughters, pictured above, enjoy my crazy sense of humor, including puns. I have discovered through the years that many writers, especially poets, relish puns, and it makes perfect sense--since poets love playing with words:
1. Two antennas met on a roof,
fell in love and got married.The ceremony wasn't much, but
the reception was excellent. 2. A jumper cable walks into a
bar. The bartender says, "I'llserve you, but don't start
anything." 3. Two peanuts walk into a
bar, and one was a salted. 4. A dyslexic man walked into
a bra. 5. A man walks into a bar with
a slab of asphalt under his arm,and says: "A beer please,
and one for the road." 6. Two cannibals are eating a
clown. One says to the other:"Does this taste funny to
you?" 7. "Doc, I can't stop
singing The Green, Green Grass of Home."
"That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome."
"Is it common?" "Well, It's Not Unusual." 8. Two cows are standing next
to each other in a field.
Daisy says to Dolly, "I
was artificially inseminated this morning."
"I don't believe you," says Dolly.
"It's true; no bull!" exclaims Daisy. 9. An invisible man marries an
invisible woman. The kids werenothing to look at either. 10. Deja Moo: The feeling that
you've heard this bull before. 11. I went to buy some
camouflage trousers the other day, butI couldn't find any. 12. A man woke up in a
hospital after a serious accident.
He shouted, "Doctor,
doctor, I can't feel my legs!"The doctorreplied,
"I know, I amputated your arms!" 13. I went to a seafood disco
last week, and pulled a mussel. 14. What do you call a fish
with no eyes? A fsh. 15. Two fish swim into a
concrete wall. The one turns to theother and says,
"Dam!" 16. Two Eskimos sitting in a
kayak were chilly, so they lit afire in the craft. Not
surprisingly it sank, proving once again thatyou
can't have your kayak and heat it too. 17. A group of chess
enthusiasts checked into a hotel, and
were standing in the lobby
discussing their recent tournamentvictories. After about an hour, the
manager came out of the office,
and asked them to disperse.
"But why," they asked, as they moved off.
"Because," he said. "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting
in an open foyer." 18. A woman has twins, and
gives them up for adoption. Oneof them goes to a family in
Egypt, and is named 'Ahmal.' Theother goes to a family in Spain; they
name him 'Juan.'
Years later…Juan sends a picture of
himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she
tells her husband that she wishes shealso had a picture of Ahmal.
Her husband responds, "They're twins!If
you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."
: 19. Mahatma Gandhi, as you
know, walked barefoot most ofthe time, which produced an
impressive set of calluses on his feet.
He also ate very little, which
made him rather frail and with hisodd diet, he suffered from bad breath.
This made him a super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis. 20. A dwarf, who was a mystic,
escaped from jail. The call
went out that there was a
small medium at large. 21. And finally, there was the
person who sent twenty differentpuns to his friends, with the
hope that at least ten of the punswould make them laugh. No pun
in ten did.