Poets Love Puns

Both of my daughters, pictured above, enjoy my crazy sense of humor, including puns. I have discovered through the years that many writers, especially poets, relish puns, and it makes perfect sense--since poets love playing with words:

1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.  2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'llserve you, but don't start anything." 3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.  4. A dyslexic man walked into a bra. 5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm, and says: "A beer please, and one for the road." 6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?" 7. "Doc, I can't stop singing The Green, Green Grass of Home." "That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome." "Is it common?" "Well, It's Not Unusual." 8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," says Dolly. "It's true; no bull!" exclaims Daisy. 9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either. 10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before. 11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I couldn't find any. 12. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!"The doctor replied, "I know, I amputated your arms!" 13. I went to a seafood disco last week, and pulled a mussel. 14. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh. 15. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says, "Dam!" 16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Not surprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too. 17. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel, and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office, and asked them to disperse.  "But why," they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said. "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."  18. A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt, and is named 'Ahmal.' Theother goes to a family in Spain; they name him 'Juan.' Years later…Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal.       Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal." : 19. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with hisodd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him a super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis. 20. A dwarf, who was a mystic, escaped from jail. The call went out that there was a small medium at large. 21. And finally, there was the person who sent twenty different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least ten of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

Written In Stone

This is another piece of writing that came across the Internet. I've seen it before, but I still like it. It's written in capital letters, and it is screaming good advice at you about friendship. If you're working on stone, maybe it's easier to write in uppercase letters. And thanks ahead of time to the friends that drop by and read this.

STONE  
TWO FRIENDS WERE WALKING  
THROUGH THE DESERT   . 
DURING SOME POINT OF THE 
JOURNEY, THEY HAD AN 
ARGUMENT; AND ONE FRIEND 
SLAPPED THE OTHER ONE 
IN THE FACE  

THE ONE WHO GOT SLAPPED  
WAS HURT, BUT WITHOUT 
SAYING ANYTHING, 
WROTE IN THE SAND  ,  

TODAY MY BEST FRIEND  
SLAPPED ME IN THE FACE  . 

THEY KEPT ON WALKING, 
UNTIL THEY FOUND AN OASIS, 
WHERE THEY DECIDED 
TO TAKE A BATH  

THE ONE WHO HAD BEEN 
SLAPPED GOT STUCK IN THE 
MIRE AND STARTED DROWNING, 
BUT THE FRIEND SAVED HIM. 

AFTER HE RECOVERED FROM 
THE NEAR DROWNING, 
HE WROTE ON A STONE:  

'TODAY MY BEST FRIEND 
SAVED MY LIFE'  

THE FRIEND WHO HAD SLAPPED 
AND SAVED HIS BEST FRIEND 
ASKED HIM, 'AFTER I HURT YOU, 
YOU WROTE IN THE SAND AND NOW, 
YOU WRITE ON A STONE, WHY?' 

THE FRIEND REPLIED 
'WHEN SOMEONE HURTS US 
WE SHOULD WRITE IT DOWN 
IN SAND, WHERE WINDS OF 
FORGIVENESS CAN ERASE IT AWAY.     

BUT, WHEN SOMEONE DOES  SOMETHING GOOD FOR US, 
WE M UST ENGRAVE IT IN STONE 
WHERE NO WIND 
CAN EVER ERASE IT' 

LEARN TO WRITE 
YOUR HURTS IN 
THE SAND AND TO 
CARVE YOUR 
BENEFITS IN STONE.

THEY SAY IT TAKES A  
MINUTE TO FIND A SPECIAL 
PERSON,     

AN HOUR TO  
APPRECIATE THEM,        

A DAY  
TO LOVE THEM,  

BUT THEN,  

AN ENTIRE LIFE 
TO FORGET THEM.  

SEND THIS TO 
THE PEOPLE YOU'LL NEVER 
FORGET.       

What Is A Book?

A Book

By Lora Daunt

A book is pages, pictures and words
A book is animals, people and birds
A book is stories of queens and kings
Poems and songs - so many things!
Curled in a corner where I can hide
With a book I can journey far and wide
Though it's only paper from end to end
A book is a very special friend.

Three Things

Three Things

Three things in life that, once gone, never come back -  Time, Words and Opportunity

Three things in life that can destroy a person - Anger, Pride and Unforgiveness

Three things in life that you should never lose - Hope, Peace and Honesty

Three things in life that are most valuable - Love, Family & Friends and Kindness

Three things in life that are never certain - Fortune, Success and Dreams

Three things that make a person - Commitment, Sincerity and Hard Work

Author Unknown