Best Internet: It's About Politics--Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road (LOL)?

SARAH PALIN:  The chicken crossed the road because gosh-darn it, he's a maverick!      BARACK OBAMA:  The chicken crossed the road because it was time for change!  The chicken wanted change!      JOHN MC CAIN:  My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.      HILLARY CLINTON:  When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure right from Day One that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn't about me.      GEORGE W. BUSH:  We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.      DICK CHENEY:  Where's my gun? COLIN POWELL:  Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.      BILL CLINTON:  I did not cross the road with that chicken.      AL GORE:  I invented the chicken.      JOHN KERRY:  Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.      AL SHARPTON:  Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens.      DR. PHIL:  The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on this side of the road before it goes after the problem on the other side of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his current problems before adding new problems.      OPRAH:  Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a NEW CAR so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.        ANDERSON COOPER, CNN:  We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.      NANCY GRACE:  That chicken crossed the road because he's guilty! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.      PAT BUCHANAN:  To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.         MARTHA STEWART:  No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.      DR SEUSS:  Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.      ERNEST HEMINGWAY:  To die in the rain, alone.         JERRY FALWELL:  Because the chicken was gay! Can't you people see the plain truth? That's why they call it the 'other side.' Yes, my friends, That chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the Liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like 'the other side.' That chicken should not be crossing the road. It's as plain and as simple as that .          GRANDPA:  In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.      BARBARA WALTERS:  Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart- warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish it's lifelong dream of crossing the road.      ARISTOTLE:  It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.         JOHN LENNON:  Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.      BILL GATES:  I have just released eChicken2010, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and  balance your checkbook. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken2010.  This new platform is much more stable and will never reboot.

    
ALBERT EINSTEIN:  Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

        
COLONEL SANDERS:  Did I miss one?

Will the Real Joe Sottile Please Stand Up?

I love this photo, and if had started reading at his age, maybe my whole life would have been different. As it was, my life is more complicated than I ever thought it would be. That is, because I wear many hats in my so-called "retirement." 

We all wear different hats in life, especially as we get older. My hats include those of a husband, father, grandparent, uncle, friend, teacher, essayist, instructor, tutor, performer, golfer, biker, children’s poet, and an adult poet.

Over the past three decades I have written many children’s poems.  During that time, I sometimes have played this recording in my head, “Someday I am going to get more serious about writing adult poetry and join an official writing group.”  Now I feel old enough, and I have taken the plunge. I am more than willing to share my poetry for adults and chase around for publishers.

I feel passionately about poetry, whether it’s written for children or adults. Exactly how passionately? Well, I have strong beliefs about the value of poetry. I am working on a poetry handbook for homeschoolers, and what follows is an excerpt from the introduction:

“Poetry can help you understand the world better and yourself better. Poetry can provide an avenue for you to untangle mixed-up feelings. Poetry can make you laugh and encourage you to take problems in stride. Poetry can give you words of courage to remember in times of stress.

Poetry can be a friend that goes wherever you go. Poems can be tucked into your book bag or your brain matter, and taken with you on any journey, short or long. In other words, poetry can play an important part in your life as a road map to courage, compassion, laughter, fun, success, and self-knowledge. This will become clearer as you read on.

Getting involved in poetry can make you a better listener, observer, reader and writer. Most kids will admire your brain power, and adults will clap wildly as you enter the room. (Okay, am exaggerating about the loud applauds, but you can do that in poetry—exaggerate, and you tickle someone’s funny-bone. You have the power to make others laugh or to take your words  seriously.) Poetry is great stuff, and best of all: you’re the boss of your words. You can do whatever you set out to achieve, if you are determined.”

I am determined to share what I have learned and what others have learned about the world through poetry. I have a popular website for kids, parents, and teachers at www.joe-sottile.com , which features a monthly poetry contest for kids in grades 1-12 and photos of where “Silly” Sottile was last seen usually doing poetry.

You can help me to blog more often about what I believe in as a poet and person who wears many hats, if you become one of my “followers” at http://poetryinsider.blogspot.com My main goal is to blog about stuff that is meaningful to writers and change the world on poem at a time.