Best Internet: Should Men Retire?

 After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her 

 trips to Target. 

 Unfortunately, like  most men, I found shopping boring and 

 preferred to get in and get  out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like 

 most women - she loves  to browse. 

Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the 

 local Target: 

Dear Mrs. Clifton 

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a 

 commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have 

 been forced to ban both of you  from the store. Our complaints against 

 your husband, Mr. Clifton,  are listed below and are documented by our 

 video surveillance cameras: 

1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them 

 in other people's  carts when they weren't looking.

 2. July 2: Set all  the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 

 5-minute intervals. 

3. July 7: He made a trail from a jar of brown gravy on the floor leadin

 to the both the ladies and men's restrooms. 

 4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an 

 official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This 

 caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a 

 reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union 

 grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company 

 money. 

 5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of 

 M&Ms on layaway. 

 6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted 

 area. 

 7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping  department and told 

 the children shoppers he'd invite them in if  they would bring pillows 

 and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children 

 obliged. 

 8.  August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he 

 began  crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' 

  EMTs were called. 

9.. September 4: Looked right into  the security camera and used 

 it as a mirror while he picked his  nose. 

10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting 

department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants  were. 

11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously, while 

loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible'  theme. 

12. October 6: In the auto department, he  practiced his 

'Madonna look' by using different sizes of  funnels. 

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and  when people browsed 

through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!' 

14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud 

speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!' 

And last, but not  least: 

15. October 23: Went into a fitting room,  shut the door, waited 

awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey!  There's no toilet paper in 

here.' One of the clerks passed out.  

  

If you don't share this site with 12 of your dearest friends, your 

property taxes will go up, your stocks will go  down, and your middle 

will spread. (How's that for a curse?!?)  What? It's already come true? 

Then share it anyway--you've got nothing' to lose!